Sunday, May 3, 2009

Elton John and BIlly Joel

They are still 100% rock stars. Their voices are as strong as ever and incredible musicians. I was a little nervous about spending money I don't have, but it was definitely worth it. A real show. Now, if we could just get those damned North Dakotans to dance! You don't sit to Elton John unless you're in a wheelchair...no offense to those in wheelchairs. I guess they only pull out the big moves for Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney and Shanie Twain...if you know what I mean. They did manage to get through the lines of Piano Man when Billy and Elton stopped to hear the audience. They hit the "Sing us a song you're the Piano Man, sing us a song tonight..." without trouble, then there was a momentary pause where I thought we were about to be embarrassed, but then came the, "We're all in the mood for a melody, and you've got us feelin' alright." We did a good job, I was pleased.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Ode To MyCrazies...

A woman came into the hotel and asked to use the phone. I couldn't figure out why, but I was really annoyed by this. She continued to gab on her phone "trying to get a ride." I tried to ignore her at first, going about my business, but I overheard her say something about her husband pushing her in the car and trying to run her over. This should have made me feel badly for the lady, but I just thought, "Figures."

When she finally got off the phone, unsuccessful at finding a ride, she came up to the desk and started thinking out loud. Technically, she was talking to me, but I didn't see how I was going to be able to conjure up the name of some long lost drinking buddy who could come and retrieve her. I nodded and mmmhmm'd, told her the city bus comes by across the street, but that's the best I can do. I don't like when people cajole me into answering or engaging. Statements like, "I wonder who I could call..." make me fly off the handle in my head.

We went through this whole process two more times, the third time she talked to me directly about her husband. They were gambling, her and her husband, when she decided to go meet her boyfriend, so she walked across a muddy field, then realized she didn't want him to see her dirty, so she needed a ride home. I'm assuming somewhere in there is the part about the car and the running over.

She asked if the coffee was free. I said, "For guests, yes, the coffee is free, but go ahead."

Clearly, I was being a bitch, but in due time will we see why.

She started talking about wanting a job like this, doing laundry. I told her winters Winters are pretty slow so the manager has us do it, but in the summer he sometimes hires someone. She continued on about working and liking to clean, so I gave her an application, and said he'd call if he needed someone.

She got a hold of her son and he came to get her. She thanked me and said goodbye.

I felt guilty, feel guilty, for being such an asshole.

Now, let's break it down, shall we?

What did Amy learn from this tiny instance?

1). Amy attracts crazies - this is example number 5 in about a year and half.

2). Amy gets screwed over by crazies - this would have been example number 4, there's one still in limbo.

3). Amy knows in an instant, the crazy ones, but often lets them lure her in.

4). They always engage me in conversation first, before anything else. Even when I am short with them, they continue to engage, that's when I know.

5). If given the time, they will wear me down. This is the epiphany part. I can only be short for so long, then I join the conversation, and then it's over, they're free to suck me dry. Damn my need to speak. I know that if this woman had asked for $5 for a cab, I would have given it to her. This is a problem. This is where my defensiveness in the beginning came from...this woman was fully capable of asking things of me as front desk clerk, and there was nothing keeping her from asking something of me as a person. I knew it the second she came in, but I gave her a chance to say anything else, and she said, "Can I use your phone?" I thought if she makes it quick, I'll know she realizes this is an inconvenience and change my tune. She talked for 8 minutes, I had to remind her that people need to get through to make reservations.

6). Luckily, this time, I saw the signs. In telling me every detail of her thinking at the moment, she let me in on all the clues.

A) She gambles
B) She has a husband
C) She has a boyfriend
D) She's an alcoholic (this one's more subtle, she asked old friend to pick her up, when she couldn't, they decided to get together for drinkS, which she hadn't done in a long time.
E) She has no job.
F) She has no friends willing to pick her up.
G) She flings her dirty laundry around in public to strangers.
H) She has no money for a cab (this one's the weakest one, but combined with the others, lends a hand to the evidence).

7). The guilt I feel about not helping her out, is pretty significant. Like, I wish I could do it over. Even though I know, the alternative is me giving her money for a cab. Here lies epiphany number 2. I will either spend the rest of life getting f'd over by crazies, or I will feel guilty about not getting f'd over by crazies for the rest of my life. I figure, I feel guilty for a reason. And it's so stupid, but the parable from the freaking bible that I remember most often is the one that song about Jesus coming to visit is based on. In the song the "singer", Reba, I believe, waits and waits for Jesus to show up, but keeps getting someone else at her door. She gets all depressed when Jesus doesn't come, but then he says he was all the people she let in. Really, this has nothing to do with Jesus, but letting people in seems like the right and nice thing to do. However, sometimes it's going to hurt me. I will struggle with this forever.

The End.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The King of Rock N' Soul

The KING OF ROCK AND SOUL was having MIDNIGHT LOVE with HER MAJESTY when ST. ELSEWHERE swallowed the JAGGED LITTLE PILL that would bring to the CROSSROADS at the end of the LEMON PARADE, where MUDDY AND THE WOLF were playing DOUBLE DUTCH. They were ORPHANS: BAWLERS with NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE and EVERYTHING IN TRANSIT.
with EYES OPEN, he watched as they pointed to the DEAD LETTER OFFICE and said, “EVERYTHING YOU WANT.”

The saint’s HOPES AND FEARS of RECOVERING THE SATELLITES and THE CROWN JEWELS relied on THE LAST DJ to ride in on a COMFORT EAGLE and start BRINGING DOWN THE HORSE of THE GLASS PASSANGER, or death.

upon entering the office, he saw VIVA LA VIE OR DEATH AND ALL HIS FRIENDS riding a ROLLERCOASTER and WINCING THE NIGHT AWAY. death’s face was a MELLOW GOLD, like that of walter matthau in THE ODD COUPLE. he saw people climbing a WHITE LADDER and wondered if, since EVERYONE ELSE WAS DOING IT, WHY CAN’T WE? He considered yelling out to them, but knew the CALL AND RESPONSE would come from a LITTLE VOICE. instead, he put up his HISTORY FOR SALE and began DREAMING OUT LOUD of the eagle, and THESE STREETS, running on a CONTINUUM through ECHOES, SILENCE, PATIENCE AND GRACE.

The eagle had flown all night through the GARDEN STATE, and arrived with the dj UNPLUGGED AND UNDRUGGED to play a CONCERT IN CENTRAL PARK.

The saint rejoiced, “i prayed for YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU to come and help me!”

the saint replied, “WE SING, WE DANCE, WE STEAL THINGS. now, let’s get those jewels BACK INTO YOUR SYSTEM.”

the dj played to DAMN THE TORPEDOES and the devil turned to SAWDUST. the dj handed the jewels to the saint, “SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY.

the saint reliep, “IN YOUR HONOR, i will give these to the king.

and with a WAVE, the dj mounted his eagle and said, “GOODNIGHT AND GO.”

Saturday, April 4, 2009

MY NEW GAME: NAME THOSE ARTISTS

i was BORN IN THE U.K., where THE MOST OF THE ANIMALS are PALE, but A DAY AT THE RACES will LIFT you BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK. BARON VON BULLSHIT RIDES AGAIN, and there’s no telling when LIL’ RED RIDINGHOOD will pull into the lead.

the MOTORCADE OF GENEROSITY will pull you down MERMAID AVENUE, where NEWS OF THE WORLD will ACTIVATE those DUST BOWL BALLADS you’ve been sending from STATION TO STATION, reminding you that LONELY RUNS BOTH WAYS and that the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON is more akin to THE DARK SIDE OF LIFE, LOOSE ENDS, AND SCATTERED SONGS.

DON’T DO ANYTHING that NAKED WILLIE wouldn’t do! he’s lost in ELECTRIC LADYLAND, with THE BEGINNING STAGES OF... SOUTHERNPLAYALISTICADILLACMUZI. in other words, UNNAGUMMA, at least that’s what the PRESSURE CHIEF called it.

i would follow the path of the STARLITE WALKER, and avoid the BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE.

TATOO YOU, and not ANOTHER SIDE OF BOB DYLAN, or it will be the END OF AN ERA.

ONCE, i knew THIS DESERT LIFE meant you were a NINO ROJO, but now it just means you write SLEEP AND WAKE-UP SONGS for the COLUMBIA RIVER COLLECTION, ABOUT A BOY with a SURREALISTIC PILLOW, who sang LIVE AT WIMBLEY, THE GASLIGHT, and THE WIRELESS.

THE GREATEST HURTS are to those TRAV’LIN’ LIGHT; tryin’ to figure out WHAT’S GOING ON, and if those RELICS will STILL BILL into BRINGING IT ALL BACK HOME.

AT THE POINT of no return i’ll finally ask, “if I’M NOT THERE, can i be HAPPY?”

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Get out the tools, we're buildin' an ark.

Not only is the Grand Forks/Fargo area in danger of flooding...we're talking the river is normally about 15-20 ft, and is now approaching 45 ft with a crest not due until next at around 53 ft and the dikes can (hopefully, it hasn't been tested) hold about 57ft , BUT we got two-three inches of rain yesterday and the day before, and last night we got 6 inches of snow with more on the way! I can't believe I live here. I just can't believe it. If it floods I'm leaving everything I can't fit in my car behind and driving away. Good riddance.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Grey Garden Link

Ok, so I can't find the whole video, but here's a clip of "Little Edie" singing. Notice: "I'm losing quite a bit of weight, but I feel perfectly terrible."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJBankObN0s&feature=related

Grey Garden

Everyone should watch this wonderful documentary on "Big" and "Little" Edie. It so frickin' awesome...

"Little Edie: "This is the best thing to wear for today, you understand. Because I don't like women in skirts and the best thing is to wear pantyhose or some pants under a short skirt, I think. Then you have the pants under the skirt and then you can pull the stockings up over the pants underneath the skirt. And you can always take off the skirt and use it as a cape. So I think this is the best costume for today. "

So frickin' awesome.

Friday, January 23, 2009

ObamaNation

Ok, so I packed my back pack and we left for the airport. We made it to Minneapolis and tried to catch the first flight to DC. There were 42 people in front of us to fly, but somehow, none of them showed up so we caught the first flight and got to DC by 10AM. We rode the Metro to Kyle's. Joe, his girlfriend Jess, and his friend Damien had driven from New York and we all crammed in to Kyle and his wife Rachelle's studio apt.

Every time I travel anywhere, I end up with huge blisters on my feet. This time, they were caused by slipper socks. Never wear socks with rubber grips on the bottoms when you have to walk any significant distance. Also, I was wearing slippers with thin rubber bottoms, which apparently do not offer much support. Needless to say, by the time we got to Kyle's my feet were feeling sore. We took the train uptown and ate at a Thai restaurant, stopped at a liquor store then went back to the apt where we all drank until we passed out by 10:00PM. All of us (accept Kyle) had been up for more than 30 hours, so a couple shots of tequila, some Woodchucks, two glasses of champagne, some Belgian liquor, and some wine later and we were out cold.

We woke up at 7AM. Kyle, Dan and Rachelle had tickets, so they left before the rest of us with the hopes of getting there when the doors opened at 9. The Metro was virtually unusable the whole day, so we all had to walk. By 9, Joe, Jess, Damien and I left to head to the Mall. We left the apt and there were a few people walking down the sidewalk presumably heading our direction. The further we walked the more people we came upon. When we had walked about 8 blocks, we were in a constant stream of "crowd". Everyone was being filtered to an intersection where people with tickets went straight and people without tickets turned left. We went straight. Then we turned and went left. The problem here was that there was a tiny woman with a large voice, facing us screaming, "If don't have tickets go to the right!" What no one realized is that she meant HER right. Luckily we figured out her blunder when a fully armed soldier hollered, "Ticket holders only!! Do you have a ticket?!" We walked back right passed the screaming lady who was still telling people to got to the right. Luckily we did not end up in the tunnel with the those who didn't get in.

The thing about large crowds is there's a certain level of trust that is imparted on those in the crowd. We assume that people know what they're doing. That if the majority of the people are walking in a particular direction, we assume that to be the right direction. This is 100 ways wrong. Most people do not know where they are going or why they're going there. We cut through the side of a building, which turned out to be the Holocaust Museum and happened to put us right where we needed to be in relation to the rest of the crowd. We cut right down the middle and wound up in front of the Washington Monument in perfect view of the megatron screen. We were far away from the actual event, about a mile, but we could see better than most because we were up from the screen and could see right over every one's heads and the trees. In fact we could see better then my pals with tickets.

Now, remember, we just walked about 40 blocks and I have terrible blisters. We eventually would have to walk back...

We stood outside from 10AM to 1PM. It was about 25 degrees and windy, but once in the shield of 2 million people, it wasn't so bad. People boo'd for Bush, cheered for Arnold, laughed at Cheney, and hesitated before deciding she wasn't so bad and clapping lightly for Barbara Bush. Beyonce was there, and P. Diddy. People cried. It was incredibly overwhelming.

All the roads were closed, so we walked right down the middle of the interstates and highways. I'm kicking myself hardcore for not buying any of the cheesy trinkets. I love cheesy trinkets. I'll post pictures of some of the best ones later on.

We looked for food, walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked. Eventually found McDonald's to the rescue. By this time I was walking like a cripple. Full on two foot shuffle. I'm talking homeless, partially handicapped shuffle. I drained my poor blisters when we arrived home and vowed to never stand again. We hung out and read the news for awhile, waiting for our friends to return and for the Metro to clear out. We left at midnight for the half hour ride to Joe's car, which was parked at a station outside of town. Five of us piled in to the Subaru with two guitars and headed for NY. We got there by 6AM and slept until Noon. We had planned to hang out for the day and see Walt Whitman's house, but Dan received a phone call saying his dad had a heart attack earlier that morning and would be having a quadruple bypass surgery. Joe brought us to the airport we flew from Laguardia at 4:30 to Memphis to Minneapolis to Grand Forks and got in about midnight.

The End.

Pictures coming soon.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Adventure 1, 2009

I believe this first post of the year just might be a good one.

On Saturday I learned I had Monday and Tuesday off, which happened to be the days Dan the Man was going to DC. Yes, Washington DC. For the inauguration. Yes, Barack Obama's inauguration.

By Saturday night I had work off Wednesday, a place to stay and a spot in the car that would be going to New York, a little detour to avoid the full flights out of DC.

I left for Fargo Sunday at Noon to see the Wailers (of Bob Marley and the Wailers) at a music festival. My job was to be at my house at 3:00AM, when Dan would come to pick me up for our 4:50 flight. At 2:00AM, Dustin went in the ditch just outside of driveway, going approximately 1 mile per hour...maybe two. By 2:24, we were out of the ditch and finished the drive. I arrived home at 2:50AM, and began packing.

Luckily, Dan didn't arrive until 3:15, leaving me a bit more time. Plus, We were flying standby, and I didn't want to have any checked luggage, so I only brought my backpack which means I didn't have much to pack.

I think this story is so good I have to write the rest tomorrow. Sorry!